I needed to buy a breast, but I haven’t worn a bra in 6 months. I hate wearing a bra in general, they bind my ribs and pinch my still healing tissue. Getting dressed with just one boob is no easy task either. I searched my drawers for a do it yourself solution. I found some removable cups in my bikinis and placed them in my bra-shelf camisole. That didn’t work out too well because they would come loose and end up in the center of my chest or in my armpit. Plus they did not mimic my other breast in size or shape. It was time to get a breast prosthesis. I plan to attempt reconstructive surgery again, but in the meantime, I need some options.
The Certified Mastectomy Fitter was very kind and knowledgeable, and she took her time helping me to find just the right form and bras that I could wear comfortably. It took two visits totaling four hours to get it just right. I had no idea how comprehensive the fitting would be. We were in an exam room, and she had cupboards full of special bras with pockets in them to hold the forms. Once I found a style that was tolerable to me, she fit the right cup with different size and shaped forms. Some were foam, some were made of soft fabric stuffed with little beads that conform to your body, most were silicone with a nipple built right onto it. When I gravitated towards the weightless foam numbers, she cautioned me that it is important to have some weight in your prosthesis. She explained that the body’s bio-mechanics get all out of whack when you have weight on one side but not on the other. Women, especially large breasted women develop neck and back pains from not having the weight evenly distributed. Makes sense, huh?
She pulled out dozens and dozens of these forms and shoved them into the bra one at a time while tugging this way and that way trying to line up my natural nipple with the prosthetic one. I winced in pain every time she came at me with one of this forms; I wasn’t prepared for her hands to be inside my bra the whole time. I left sore and exhausted after the first visit. On the second appointment, I pre-medicated with a pain pill. She had no problem digging around the interior of my bra. Adjusting both sides this way and that, adjusting and measuring for the perfect alignment, size and shape.
When we got the fit just right, I put my shirt back on to see how it looked under clothes. I was very impressed! She got it just right. I could not see a difference between the implant on the left and the prosthesis on the right, it looked great! I stood a little taller as she was surveying her work; I could feel my confidence rise. This was going to be manageable; I could bridge the gap between reconstruction attempts with this set up. I could also wear more of my clothing, I would no longer be limited to what I could wear with the camisoles and the homemade form that goes awry. She got a kick out of my attempt to make something at home to fill the space until I was healed enough to be fitted. She let me know that my insurance would cover 2 forms and 4 bras so I was able to get the foam one to exercise in and the silicone one for the needed balance of my bio-mechanics.
I was not prepared for my body to reject the implant, twice. This wasn’t supposed to be part of the equation, well, neither was the 2nd or 3rd recurrence of breast cancer for that matter. I have learned a lot about human suffering and about the one thing that I can control when the inevitable suffering comes my way… and that is how I respond to it. We are not meant to be perfect, we are meant to be whole beings; the good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly, and then most importantly, our response to it all.
For more on this topic, check out part one of this tale: Prosthetic Breast, Seriously?! http://www.trinaschilling.wordpress.com/2013/03/11/prosthetic-breast-seriously/