No Fear

This is what I know for sure. After three diagnosis of breast cancer, I don’t fear much anymore.

It has been said that there are two psychological houses that humans approach each and every situation from; the house of love or the house of fear. If you approach life with love then you are compassionate, forgiving, loving, giving to others, altruistic, kind, empathetic, ready to serve, possess inner peace, forgiving, and you don’t lead with your ego. If you live in the house of fear, then you lead with your ego, constantly beating on your chest to prove that you are right, you are angry, hurt, snarky, rude, demanding, and unforgiving. The truth is not many humans achieve living in the house of love at all times, that is what makes us human, we possess a myriad of emotions and learning to control and direct them for the good of yourself and others is a very hard thing to do. It takes practice, discipline, willingness, and hard work.

So what is it that we are afraid of in this house of fear? I say we fear not being loved. Which let’s face it is a fascinating concept; we act in fear because we are afraid we won’t be loved, instead of acting through love where love has no fear. I know, I know… I am starting to lose myself here. It is a complex, yet simple theory.

So back to my lack of fear, when I say I don’t fear much, that doesn’t mean that I don’t visit the house of fear, it just means that I have stopped living life in fear of all things big and small. I am not afraid to take a risk, to say what I mean to say, to stand up for what is right, to show up and be counted, to take a leap, to try a new hair color, to learn a new trick, to mend a fence, or to tear one down if it no longer serves me well. No fear. I don’t have time to be afraid. Do you?

A week ago I attended a memorial service for a 17-year-old boy who died tragically in a car accident. He went to the same high school as my son, they played little league together when they were young and I have known his mother professionally for 21 years. The entire high school and their parents were at this memorial, we are a small, tight knit community and to lose one of our children had a ripple effect that enveloped us all. There is no greater a test on this earth than the one that was set before his parents.

Alex Maier

Alex Maier, a fearless hero to me.

We stood in silence in the stands of the football stadium, where Alex was a star soccer player. You could have heard a pin drop as Alex’s parents walked through the two rows of soccer players to the white chairs that were set out for them in front of a stage where large pictures of their son smiling for his senior photo sat on easels. They sat down at first, but then his mother, father, and sister, stood back up and turned around and faced all of us standing there for them and for their son. With their arms wrapped around each other for support, they stood looking at us looking at them, acknowledging all of us with love and appreciation. They were thanking us for showing up, for showing support, for sharing love with them. They did not exhibit fear at that moment, only strength, grace and gratitude.

Alex was a giver, unbeknownst to his parents he had signed up to be an organ donor when he applied for his driver’s license. He saved 6 lives with his generous gift and gave many more the chance to heal with tissue donations. I am a recipient of donor tissue. I have received this gift from a stranger during a reconstructive surgery. I quietly vowed to Alex that I would live in service of others, working hard to live in the house of love and to be forever fearless.

What do you fear? And are you a registered organ/tissue donor?

organ tissue donor

4 thoughts on “No Fear

  1. It comforted us all that Alex affected so many other lives in a positive way. The outpouring of caring and love from the community was wonderful. We knew Alex as a son, brother, nephew, cousin, grandson and we loved him. We learned that he is so much more than what we knew. He will live on in our hearts and minds and in a way, through his organ donations, he still lives on. We think of him daily and we laugh and cry together.
    When we are sad we can hear Alex saying “Choose Happy”, and we smile.

    • Thank you Laura for this note. You and your family have demonstrated so much strength and grace through what I can only imagine is unimaginable grief. I have been corresponding with the California Transplant Donor Network and will be joining their organization as a volunteer to speak about the need for tissue donation from the perspective of a patient who received this much needed gift. I will do this in honor of Alex, I felt a nudge to do so at his memorial. The words “Choose Happy” made me cry, so profound. Thank you for sharing these words with me.
      Please tell Deb that I think of her daily and I will always remember the parenting advice that we shared over lunches rather than talking about whatever drug I was there to rep. I enjoyed sharing stories about our sons together. xoxoxoxo

  2. With tears rolling down my cheeks…this is the very thing I most fear in my life. My heart aches for these parents. You are truly gifted in your “putting us in the moment” in your writing. Thank You Trina !!!!!! Yes. Yes, I am an organ donor, from the day I turned 16 🙂

    • Thank you Lezlie. Thank you for reading and for taking the time to comment. It means a lot to me and though these subjects are heavy, it touches people and asks them to think and when that happens, it’s magic. love ya girl!!!

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